How to Handle a Parent's Driving When It's No Longer Safe

Published May 17, 2026 · 5 min read

There's a new dent on the passenger side of your dad's car that he says he "doesn't know about." His neighbor mentioned he backed into their garbage cans last week. When you rode with him to the pharmacy, he drifted into the other lane twice and ran a stop sign he's driven past ten thousand times. Your stomach is in your throat because you know what needs to happen — and you know he's going to fight you on it like his life depends on it.

In a way, it does. For many older adults, the car is the last piece of independence. It's how they get groceries, see the doctor, visit friends, go to church. Taking away the keys isn't just a safety measure — it's a profound life change. The AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety reports that when older adults stop driving, their risk of depression nearly doubles and their risk of entering a long-term care facility increases significantly. This is a decision with real, serious consequences on both sides.

Warning Signs That Are Hard to Ignore

Sometimes the signs are subtle. Sometimes they're not. The challenge is that your parent has been driving for 50 or 60 years, and they genuinely can't perceive their own decline. The skills feel automatic to them — even as the reaction time slows, the peripheral vision narrows, and the cognitive processing required for complex intersections degrades.

Signs that the risk has crossed the line: Our guide on having the driving conversation covers this in detail.

• New dents, scrapes, or scratches on the car that they can't explain or don't remember
• Traffic tickets or warnings for running lights, rolling stop signs, or improper lane changes
• Getting lost on familiar routes — if they've driven to the grocery store for 20 years and suddenly can't find it, that's not just "a bad day"
• Near misses — other drivers honking, swerving to avoid them, or pedestrians jumping out of the way
• Slow reactions — delayed braking, not seeing cars or pedestrians until very late, difficulty merging
• Riding the brakes, straddling lanes, or driving significantly below the speed limit on highways
• Anxiety about driving that they didn't used to have — avoiding highways, only driving during daylight, refusing to drive in rain

If you've noticed three or more of these, the conversation needs to happen. Not next month. Now.

Let Someone Else Deliver the Verdict

The worst approach is a child saying "Dad, you can't drive anymore." He'll hear it as you treating him like a child, and he'll resist out of pride alone. Better approaches: Our guide on denial about health covers this in detail.

• The doctor. Ask your parent's physician to raise driving safety at the next appointment. Many older adults will accept a recommendation from their doctor that they'd reject from their child. Some states allow (or require) physicians to report unsafe drivers to the DMV.
• A driving assessment. Many hospitals, rehab centers, and AAA branches offer professional driving evaluations for older adults. An occupational therapist assesses vision, reaction time, cognitive function, and behind-the-wheel performance. If the assessor says your parent shouldn't drive, it's a professional opinion — not a family power play.
• The DMV. In most states, anyone can file a request for a driver re-examination for an unsafe driver. The DMV will then require the driver to take a written, vision, and/or road test. This is anonymous in many states — your parent doesn't have to know you requested it.

The Conversation, When You Have to Have It

If professional channels aren't enough, or the situation is too urgent to wait, you need to have the conversation directly. Some guidelines:

• All siblings present or aligned. If one sibling says "Dad shouldn't drive" and another says "he's fine," Dad will side with the enabler. Get aligned before the conversation.
• Lead with concern, not authority. "Dad, I'm scared. I rode with you last week and there were two close calls. I can't live with the thought of you getting hurt — or hurting someone else." That's different from "you're a bad driver and you need to stop."
• Have the alternative ready. You can't take the keys without providing another way to get around. Before the conversation, build a transportation plan: who will drive your parent to appointments, grocery store, church. Ride services like Uber or Lyft if they're comfortable with technology. Local senior transportation services. A sibling schedule for routine drives.
• Acknowledge the loss. This is a grief moment. Say it: "I know this is hard. I know what driving means to you." Don't minimize it. Don't rush past it.

If They Won't Stop

Some parents refuse. They keep driving despite every conversation, every assessment, every plea. When persuasion fails, you have practical options — none of them comfortable:

• Disable the car. Remove the battery, take the keys, or have a mechanic install a kill switch. This feels extreme, but if your parent has dementia and is driving, they're a danger to themselves and the public.
• Sell the car. If you have financial power of attorney, you may have the legal authority to do this. Consult an attorney first.
• Report to the DMV. As mentioned above, most states allow anonymous reports. The DMV can suspend or revoke the license.
• Contact their insurance company. If you can't stop them from driving, at minimum ensure their insurance is adequate. And know that if they cause an accident while impaired, liability exposure could be catastrophic.

Taking away a parent's car keys is one of the hardest things you'll do as a caregiver. It's up there with the first time you help them bathe and the first time they don't recognize you. But every year, car accidents kill roughly 8,000 adults over 65. The conversation isn't about control. It's about keeping your parent — and the people on the road with them — alive. That's worth the fight. For a side-by-side look at tools that help families coordinate, check our caregiving app comparison guide.